"Summer coming like a car from down the highway." That's a quote from Sherman Alexie's The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. The latest book I've been reading (thanks Mom) And it's true. Summer does come down the highway, especially at night. Two headlights bearing down fast, whoosh. And it leaves just as quickly.
Summer is driving away again. And so it goes.
We're having our first wet weekend of Almost Winter. It's generally heralded by a mashing of cold and warm air and some spotty thundershowers which generally threaten but don't swamp us. High wind, but a wind with idle threats. No power loss, nothing interesting knocked over. If you didn't know the signs you'd think it was just a squall blowing through. But it's not, it's the messenger of Almost Winter.
Soon there will be brief windows of Hot, then more squalls with hail and wind, fitful bursts of rain. Then a sky-opener as the heavens smash us with a liquid fist. The heat withers and withers until we're left with hooded sweatshirts and jeans in our laundry baskets and our shorts stay on the closet floor. It's a quick, methodical transition. It's not that Almost Winter is here in a rush, it's just that summer takes off speeding.
Last fall I was working on her house. I was preparing to lay down a hardwood floor. The prep work was intense but the finished product was gorgeous. But it wasn't my floor, and it wasn't my house, as I'm often reminded. This year will be different. In some ways, I'll be laying some mental flooring for myself, something that truly will belong to me.
My prep work starts on the subfloor. I've managed to scrap all most of my old patterns and habits. My computer gaming is down, my social interaction is up. My lonely time is down, my alone time is up. Depressed silence is now replaced with focused meditation. I've also spent a couple of weeks at working by myself and it has done wonders for my confidence. Work is still a challenge, but I've been able to take better stock of what I've got in my toolbox. It's getting more full these days, it feels good.
When I'm not at work, I'm trying to be more available. I've found myself calling people on a whim, certainly nothing I've done this summer or previous. If you happen to receive one of my rambling calls, don't worry. I don't really have much to say, but I've discovered that sometimes it's not what you say, it's just that you called. I entertain myself by leaving what I think are hilarious voicemails. If you get one of these, feel free to roll your eyes and delete.
I've also begun work on my personal foundation. I jog twice a week. Sometimes not very far, sometimes for blocks and blocks and blocks. I've found that when I'm angry I run further, which has proven to be the healthiest outlet for my everyday rage buildup I've found. In addition, I play around with my free weights. I'll never join a gym, but reading on free weight exercises and doing a few actually has already helped a bit. That's not so much a testimony to the amount of exercise I've done as it is to how out of shape I started. I feel a bit stronger and faster and work doesn't tire me out the way it used to. We'll see how this goes when I'm no longer jogging in the occasional rain but snow instead. I've got a few more months to work on my mental resolve before that happens though.
It's not all goody-two shoes work though. I've also had the desire lately to get myself in trouble. I still go drinking, but hardly at the rate I was before. These days it's to appease the inner-urgings of my married friends to live vicariously through me. A job that I've found I both excel at and love. I'd like to go out one night and do something crazy and stupid. Maybe a fistfight, maybe a one-night stand. I'd like to do some of the things I was supposed to be doing in my twenties instead of on the wrong side of thirty. Hopefully I've still got some time. My bachelor diet is still atrocious, as I hate cooking for one. At least it's now counter-balanced by my physical activity, but I suspect this will have to change soon too. Leftovers in a tupperware container seem more palatable with a couple of beers anyway.
And so summer flies away. In my head, I'm bent at the waist, fitting floorboards together. Over and over and over again, until the finished project takes shape. I haven't started working on my walls, or painting or any of the fancy parts. Just the foundation, just the base, just the floor. We'll see how far I get with this, and then we'll see what I feel comfortable taking on. Almost Winter creeps in. Summer trails away; tailights in the night.
